Saturday, May 2 . 11:43 pm
Change is the only constant.
It's been 2 years since I last posted something here.
3 more papers left which occur concurrently from 4-5 May, and here I am feeling so sick of studying. Dazed, stoned and zoned out from whatever I'm doing. After 2 years in uni, I've reached the point where I give up on studying as hard as I used to back in year one and just whack the papers when the time comes.
I guess being in uni meant entering a new culture and a new lifestyle. Blogging seemed like a thing of the past, and I chose to prioritise other matters in my schedule rather than write. Perhaps to pretend that I'm happy, to run away from my insecurities, to experience new things...? I really don't know. So much has happened the past 2 years. Granny left us, I became an adult, I learn how to macro and micro-manage situations and negotiate my way through things... I guessed I've matured in one way or another, in terms of my mentality and my anger tolerance level.
For the better or worst?
Scrolling through my latest, but not so recent blog posts, it struck me how "fake" and "pretentious" my posts seemed to be written in. I've always been an expressive person that likes to engage with social media, but I wonder if this is a consequence of my inner insecurities. People are just as transient as they can be, coming into your life, leaving a mark, whether a light brush or profound one and then fading away as though that friendship or relationship meant nothing. Some of these were business-like. formed and sustained under specific circumstances. When the contract ended the relationship ended as well, bureaucracy at its best. Well, it takes two hands to clap, we all know that; and what more in an institution like university where friendships are much harder to forge. I always seem to be the one bugging people, and I wonder if I'm a nuisance to them in the first place.
The bottom-line: Care only about those that matter.
Life is too short to spend time on those insignificants. Family and friends matter most.
Back to the "studying"! And let's see if I can / will put in the effort to blog more from now onwards.
